


Let's Stop Burning These Bridges

by Aberial_63



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: And they hate fighting with each other, Communication, Drunk Alec Lightwood, Episode: season03e06 A Window Into An Empty Room, M/M, Post 3x06, They really love each other a lot, They're both waxing poetic, immortality issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 04:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14441826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aberial_63/pseuds/Aberial_63
Summary: Drunk Alec is surprisingly articulate and has a quite a few things to get off his chest





	Let's Stop Burning These Bridges

 

Magnus paced back and forth through the loft, too amped up to even consider sitting down. The night had been far too eventful for Magnus' liking and the revelation that Jace was the Owl had just added one more thing for him to worry about.   Clary had asked him to go home and do some research on the demons of Edom while she tried to track down Jace, but he could hardly get himself to sit still long enough to do so. Even with how big that particular revelation was, it still wasn't the most pressing matter occupying Magnus' thoughts that night. 

 

Alec wasn't answering his phone and no one had any clue where he was. He'd texted Isabelle and she said that, as far as she knew, Alec had returned to the Institute, but Magnus checked and Alec wasn't there. Something anxious and sharp in his chest told him that something had to be wrong. Alec always answered his phone, always returned Magnus' calls. He understood how it put Magnus at ease to know that his boyfriend was safe and sound in a world where danger lurked around every corner. If Alec wasn't answering his phone, something just had to be wrong. 

 

Magnus chewed his lip and twisted his hands agitatedly in front of him. He prayed that Alec would call back soon. If, Angel forbid, something had happened to him while they were still fighting, Magnus would never be able to forgive himself. Just remembering the things he'd said at breakfast had Magnus cringing and ashamed. As soon as he'd attributed Alec's frustration to his inexperience, the expression on his lover's face had shown him exactly how wrong that was. No number of relationships would have ever prepared Alec to face the conflicts of dating an immortal warlock. The situation had just spiraled from there and Magnus had felt his heart break a little upon Alec's speedy exit from the loft. 

 

Magnus was ripped from his thoughts by the gentle stirring of his wards as the front door opened. 

 

The door slammed shut and Magnus heard a few clunky steps and then a  _ thump _ coupled with a pained groan. 

 

"Shit," he heard a very familiar voice swear. 

 

Magnus rushed to the foyer to see an extremely disheveled Alec grasping at a spot low on his hip. His face was scrunched up in pain.

 

"Alexander," Magnus gasped before rushing over to his boyfriend. "Are you alright?"

 

Alec looked up at Magnus but his eyes were shiny and unfocused. 

 

"By the Angel, you are so pretty," Alec whispered. 

 

Magnus blinked in surprise.

 

"Pardon?"

 

"You're pretty," Alec said again, this time with more force and certainty. "Like the prettiest man I've ever seen."

 

Magnus shook his head and tried to block out the way his heart stuttered at Alec's words. He was acting so strange, but he was still gripping at his side and that was more important at the moment. 

 

"Alec, what happened to your side? Are you okay?"

 

Alec, to Magnus' great shock, just giggled at him. 

 

"Oh, right, that. I tripped and I rammed my hip into the corner of that side table by the door."

 

Magnus couldn't help but let out a peal of relieved laughter. The worry from earlier dissipated as he took in the sight of Alec, still in one piece, standing right in from of him. Alec was okay. He was safe. 

 

"I thought Shadowhunters were supposed to be graceful," Magnus quipped now that he could breathe again. 

 

"I usually am," Alec grumbled and let his gaze drop to the floor, "but when one whiskey turned into two and then into three, well..."

 

"You're drunk," Magnus realized. Of course he was drunk. Magnus should have recognized it in his mussed appearance and glassy eyes and flirty comments. 

 

"I prefer the word tipsy."

 

Magnus had never seen Alec like this before. He was usually so composed and in control of himself. Alec would occasionally partake in a cocktail or two with Magnus, but he would never let it get this far. Alec wasn't one to throw caution to the wind and let loose. He always needed to be in charge of himself in case he was ever faced with a situation that did not grant him that same ability. Seeing Alec drunk and a mess was so alarming to Magnus that he knew something had to be wrong. He also was almost certain he knew what exactly what that something was. 

 

"Is there any particular reason you decided to have a few extra glasses of the hard stuff tonight?"

 

Alec looked back up and the pain Magnus saw in those hazel eyes ignited a hollow ache in the pit of his stomach. 

 

"I missed you."

 

Magnus felt his jaw drop the slightest bit, but any words he had were caught in his throat. 

 

"I got your text that you wouldn't make it to dinner and it just hit me how much I've missed you these past few days."

 

Oh, how Magnus understood that. Ever since Alec had asked to move in, there had been this gaping canyon between them. Any bridge that could have brought them back together was destroyed by the bitter comments and hurt that lingered in the air. They were with each other, but the fight lived between them and kept them from fully being together. 

 

"Alexander, I—" Magnus tried to start, but Alec approached him quickly and cut him off with a tender finger pressed to Magnus' lips. 

 

"I need to get this out, okay? I thought about it during the whole cab ride here and I want to say it before my stupid drunk brain forgets it all."

 

Magnus swallowed harshly, but he answered with a slight nod and a soft kiss to the finger Alec still had against his mouth. The corner of Alec's lips flicked up in a momentary smile, a glimmer of happiness in the darkness of Alec's features. Alec removed his hand and slid it down to rest intimately over Magnus' heart. 

 

"I know that you want to live in the here and now and I get it. The here and now is amazing because I am lucky enough to spend it with you. The thing is though, Magnus, that you're not just my here and now. You're my tomorrow and my ten years from now and the rest of my life. As I was reminded earlier tonight, Nephilim only love once. When we find that someone special, that person who makes the world make sense, there is no moving on."

 

Magnus found himself struggling to breathe. Over the years, he'd heard the rumor that Shadowhunters only fell in love once, but he'd figured that was all it was: a rumor. To hear Alec confirm it, to assure Magnus that he'd never want anyone else, it was almost too much for him to handle. 

 

"You are that person for me, Magnus. I know it's only been two months, and that I must sound crazy, but I can't help but want everything with you. I want you to be my future, Magnus. Do you see why this is so hard? I want to love you for the rest of my life, and I will, but it's hard to grasp that you may not do the same. I'll die one day and eventually you'll move on. You'll have to. And I get it, Magnus, I do. It would be stupid and insensitive and totally not my place to ask you to never fall in love again. I would never ask you to give up on any happiness  that presents itself. Don't you know that's all I want, Magnus? More than anything, I want you to be happy. "

 

"I know," Magnus breathed. And he did. He could see it in the gentle way Alec doted on him, feel it in the way he held him close at night, hear it in the soft murmured "I love you's" before he left for the Institute in the morning. Magnus knew.

 

"Still, it's hard to think about. It's hard to process that I'll give my whole life to you and I won't be more than just a few decades in your hundreds of years. I don't like thinking about how the last of them will be spent with me being old and falling apart and not enough to make you happy. That's why I'm moving so fast. I just want to be enough for you while I still can. I want to give you everything while I'm still young enough to give it to you in the way that you deserve."

 

Alec seemed to run out of steam at that point. He deflated and Magnus noticed the tired way that he swayed on his feet. If a stray tear had escaped onto his cheek, Magnus didn't mention it. Magnus simply laced his fingers through Alec's and led him to the couch. Alec practically collapsed into the cushions. Magnus sat cross-legged and facing his boyfriend.

 

"Okay," Magnus said. "My turn."

 

Alec regarded him cautiously, but he nodded. 

 

"You aren't  _ just  _ anything, Alexander. You are not just the way I'm spending a few years in between centuries. You are not just one more lover to pass the time and put in a box when I'm done with you. None of my past relationships were just anything. None of the ones I might have in the future will be just anything.  _ You  _ aren't just anything, darling. If I ever give you that impression, then I'm doing something horribly wrong. Alexander, you have changed me in ways that I will never be able to erase. You taught me that I don't have to hold back little parts of my heart to keep them safe. After nearly a hundred years of loneliness, you helped me open up to the world again."

 

Magnus reached out and brushed a stray strand of dark hair off of Alec's forehead. Alec's stare was locked on him intently and Magnus felt a familiar warmth bloom under his skin. The amount of fondness that he held in his soul for this man was damn near incomprehensible.

 

"I love you so much, Alexander. That won't ever change. No matter how many years pass, no matter how old you get. It's not going to stop because you get laugh lines around your lips or your fingers can't hold a stele like they used to. I'm not going to stop loving you because you need help sometimes or we can't go out all the time like we do now. No, I'm going to  _ keep  _ loving you because I think your smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and because you have this inexhaustible well of compassion and kindness that I adore. Why would I care about your hair going gray or the wrinkles by your eyes, when I would still have your goodnight kisses and that private little laugh that I've only heard you do when it's just the two of us? Alexander, your age would never be a burden when I have everything else about you that makes living so much easier. You are always going to be enough for me." 

 

Alec was fully crying now, but he was smiling. Some of the tension that he'd been holding had fallen from his shoulders. They'd needed that. They had been so defensive, so frustrated, that it had been difficult to just let everything out. This, just talking and listening, was so necessary to trying to move on. 

 

Alec rubbed at his face furiously as he said, "Sorry. I'm sorry. It's the alcohol. Apparently, I'm an emotional drunk."

 

"Or you're just a big softie," Magnus offered as he scooted closer to Alec. He wiped at Alec's tears with his sleeve and laid a palm against his cheek. Alec leaned into the touch and his eyelids fluttered shut. He looked so at peace and adorable that Magnus could hardly stand it. 

 

"Maybe, but don't tell anyone," Alec murmured as he turned to place a sweet kiss on the inside on Magnus' hand. 

 

In that moment, Magnus felt the space between them disappear. They had forgiven each other for all the words they didn't mean and all the hurt that had ensued. It didn't mean that everything was resolved, that Alec wasn't still worried about the future, but there was an acceptance of these issues. There was an unspoken promise to figure it out and figure it out  _ together _ . 


End file.
